Will she ever stop chasing him?

Why You Keep Chasing Emotionally Unavailable Partners (And Why It Feels So Intense)

Have you ever felt stuck in a connection that never fully moves forward — even though it feels deep, emotional, or even spiritual?

In this episode of The Daydreamer Podcast, I talk about one of the most common relationship patterns I see in my work: chasing emotionally unavailable partners, breadcrumbing, mixed signals, and the emotional rollercoaster that keeps people stuck for years.

I explore this dynamic through both psychology and spirituality, sharing why these connections feel so powerful, why they’re so hard to let go of, and why understanding them intellectually is often not enough to break the cycle.

In this episode, I talk about:

• Why emotionally unavailable partners create intense attachment
• How breadcrumbing and hot-and-cold behaviour keep you stuck
• Why these relationships often feel karmic, fated, or “meant to be”
• How spirituality and intuition can become confusing in unhealthy bonds
• The deeper self-worth patterns behind chasing unavailable people

This episode is for you if you’re:

• Struggling to let go of someone who won’t fully show up
• Stuck in an on-and-off or emotionally confusing relationship
• Questioning whether your intuition is guiding you or keeping you stuck
• Ready to understand your relationship patterns on a deeper level

🎧 Listen with an open mind — clarity often begins where fantasy ends.

Kasia Golda-Phillips

Transcript

Hello, hello. Welcome to the Daydreamer podcast. This is Kasia speaking, your host. I hope the beginning of this year has been treating you well and things are starting to be smoother than um last year. And I don't know where are you based in the world because um which is so lovely people that are listening are based around the world. Um currently in the UK we have the weather started to get warmer but it's very gloomy. It's a very wet January. Um I to be honest um really really struggle to go back to my routine. And I read something before we go into this podcast, I wanted to say something for whoever needs to hear that because I feel like there's a lot of pressure to be on your best very soon into January because you have this um setting up or resolutions for 2026, the business plans, exercising, eating. But I saw something that really resonated with me that we're actually the nature is still sleeping. The animals are still sleeping. Um everything is slow. Our energy is uh is slow. The sun is almost not there most of the time. So it's actually okay if you're struggling like I'm struggling. I must say I am struggling. I'm trying to lose some weight. Um that I gained from overeating after wedding stress went away and um you know um I was very cold so I didn't feel like running even though I see runners outside the window and I'm like oh my god they are much more motivated than me and I do enjoy running. um or you know it's raining and I still just I just I don't know I can't even I struggle some days to um get out of bed or eat take my supplements um the more dis disgusting ones. So yes, so that's okay. The more winter will start giving space to the spring, the more sunny hours we will have, the the easier it will be to to start doing everything that you want to do. Um I decided to do one thing at a time because you know I had this amazing idea that I will you know wake up uh today do yoga lattes you know the yoga and pilates um combo and then I will you know of course I will do lymphatic massage I will do the dry brushing um then I will do some work like recording um editing and I have some networking in the afternoon. I I want to do some exercises and it you know it made me feel really really overwhelmed. I am I get easily overwhelmed if there is too much stimuli. So I was like my stomach started to feel a bit tight. It's like my god I go I have too many things to do this week. So yeah, one step at a time I plan one day ahead and I have one main one main or couple things to achieve in a day. I decided to let go of your galatus today, let go of lymphatic drainage massage or dry brushing, have my warm water, have my nice breakfast, do my work and then do the exercises I planned. But I cut down this day. And you know, remember that December is typically very intensive for different reasons. Either it's super intensive because of the family stuff or you're cooking, preparing, cleaning, um I don't know how how much you do for Christmas. Are you decorating the whole house? Do you have to deal with um whole family giving you some remarks at the table? Um, do you actually spend it like alone and felt lonely? Do you miss someone? It's a very it's a beautiful time. I love this time. But I know it can be very difficult for some people. So know we just got out of that. We are coming to middle of January only. Let ourselves breathe. Let our body breathe. Let our like our mind breathe. Without it, we would just um be running on empty. I don't want running on empty. I want to relax and take small steps that will make me feel um you know that that I'm doing something towards this um the direction I want to go to to be healthier. But it doesn't have to be forced because we're trying to force stuff. it giving much more frustration. So that's that's the intro like it it's actually pre-intro because the what I wanted to discuss today in the podcast it's something completely different it's something that I have the most clients coming to me with which I started thinking that you know you how you have to have a niche I mean podcast I'm not planning to do um niche other than just spirituality mix with psychology but you know how Business- wise, you have to have a niche um to to solve specific problems. I feel like my niche might have chosen me, which is uh women. It doesn't have to be only women that struggle with this, but most of the spiritual clients, most of the psychotherapy clients, uh hypnotherapy clients are women. So my clients are women mostly 99% and they struggle in one way or another with relationships a lot of romantic relationships and the most common pattern that I see is this chasing of a man.

Like I said, use whatever um type of partner you're chasing. If you are like whatever whatever feels right for you, but I will be giving examples of my clients. So that will be I will be talking about women chasing men and it's typically how it looks like. There is this amazing woman really um amazing woman that has so much going on in her life and she would be so happy if she knew how much she's really worth. But there is this guy that she cannot forget about. That's either someone she knows for many years or this was very um sudden sudden uh emotion that came up when she met this guy. So it's something fresher. Um but more often it's on and off for many years. So, it's not even that this guy doesn't have feelings for her. No, he is just very lost in his own emotional world. He's not fully available. He might be in a relationship or he's forever single and it's not even, you know, if that was just a case of unrequited love in a way of he doesn't want her so she needs to move on. That would be easy. What's the problem here? That these guys, these men give breadcrumbs, right? So he will be promising to show up and doesn't for months but every time in between he will. It what popped up to my mind now it's like these catfish programs. So you someone is um doesn't want you to know who they are because they are pretending to be someone else and they will be very long uh you know procrastinating the meeting or video or whatever to feel like whatever situation that will show you who they really are. And maybe it's not the same because this is the person um they're not asking you for money hopefully. Um but what is connect what the connection I think is here that actually they don't want you to know who they are and I will talk about it in a bit later in the podcast about reasoning why this is happening what what is going on in this relationship but yeah but that's the problem this um up and down emotion up and down in the relationship. It is it gives so much space for the brain to start filling it with fantasy idealizing someone putting on a pedestal. You know brain doesn't like gaps like it doesn't like to be left without answer. This is another thing because you might never have a straight answer or you might have one day don't love you, leave me alone and the next message, are you feeling all right? Or how are you? How have you been? Like nothing ever happened. Right? So that's where you start creating a person that doesn't exist. This amazing uh partner that you could have spent your life with. you could be so happy with completely ignoring that he's either cheating on the woman he's with or that he's very emotionally immature that you can see how he's acting. Um so yes and then you start creating this fantasy and this fantasy you know brain doesn't really it's not really good at differentiating reality from fantasy what's happening in your um what you're imagining. So you are imagining this amazing life. Let's say maybe you're imagining wedding, maybe you're imagining having children, maybe imagining, you know, growing old together. And this makes you fall in love even more. And not to mention that with this roller coaster of up and down of emotion today, yes, tomorrow, no, we are amazing when we are together, but then I'm crying all the time. That is addictive and that creates even stronger emotions but it creates toxic love. It creates toxic connection. It's very difficult to differentiate differentiate that if you haven't been in a healthy relationship and I would guess you haven't because if you have been you probably wouldn't fall for that because you would see the red flags. You would see that this is not love. This is toxic love. This is addiction. This is not good for you. You know, love relationship takes a lot of work, but it shouldn't be that difficult. Uh, which is another thing that you need to take a look at. What are your thoughts? What are your beliefs around love? What kind of relationships have you observed through your life? How were your parents? Which is also interesting that um bad relationship between the parents can cause issues for like looking for a partner that too good relationship between parents can cause so much pressure to find exactly the same idea love that also can cause trouble. It's like almost I can't win, right? But no, don't worry. Everything can be worked through. Um I really I was there, right? I was there with you. I the Jeez, the amount of years that I lost chasing unavailable, emotionally immature men. That is insane. like I thank God I don't regret things in life. Um and I just feel like that was needed. That was my lesson. And um I'm glad that it never worked out with anyone. It's also almost like I was waiting to move to London and meet my husband which is came up like you know the story had a happy end. But you something that I need to say also, it's not like I was living in this imaginary world when I'm chasing and loving people that just don't want to be with me in reality even though they were living breadcrumbs. Um I have been in a therapy, psychotherapy for many, many years. So yeah, I was even though I was struggling I was working on myself, on my emotions. That's the most important thing. Heart. It's all about heart. I specialize in emotions and really emotions are the clue to everything. Um all the physical like physical issues, mental issues, uh the really there is um so much behind emotions and how we block them. and what it does to us. So yeah, so I did a really lot of work to be in a healthy relationship and now being in a healthy relationship I can see the difference. What is toxic love? What is mature love? It is different. It is very different and I do hope you will see that at some point because like I said here's a happy end but it can last so many years that you may wake up when it's a bit too late. I mean it's never too late for love but you may wake up so late in your life feeling that you have never experienced a healthy relationship. And I'm not talking in your 30s, right? It can be 40s, 50s. Really, really people are chasing into this um 50s, probably even more. So, yes, be careful, right? The the warning here is to just be careful to not to lose too much time and you know look at the facts right look at the facts not what this person is saying doing like do they want to be with you are they single are they actively trying to be with you are they loyal because it can be also about the cheaters so forget about fantasy the end. Another very very very important thing and this is for uh specifically for my podcast because it's this is now a spiritual angle. So all my spiritual seekers, listeners now listen carefully. Universe tries to screw you over when you meet a calming person. calming relationship, calming connection. You will start getting signs that you will live uh forever together in happiness, that one day it will happen. You will have dreams, uh visions. Even the tarot goes crazy. I honestly I'm so used to like I've always felt like tarot is the easiest thing ever. I've been doing it for I don't know 17 years. So I could do it in the middle of my night just shuffle cards and tell you what's there. With my clients it's often so tricky to know what the tarot is saying because the karmic connection is really messing up the energies and it can start showing beautiful things. Thankfully, I have my, you know, own filter and it's like, um, you know, I I know what's going on. I see beautiful love cards and I heard that this guy and I know I know the client, so the the guy hasn't been, you know, around for uh properly for years or months. Um, and it doesn't sound good, but the cards are showing this beautiful emotional um, cards, love, happiness, you know, it's picking up on a connection because it's not that this guy doesn't have feelings for you. He has, but he is emotionally mature. He is

He doesn't think he's worthy of you. That's a very often thing. It's a lot of mirroring happening here. I can tell you that you are chasing someone who doesn't want you because you don't feel worth worthy enough for a healthy loving relationship and this person is pushing you away because they don't feel worthy of you. So, you're mirroring the same thing, but it's not your job to heal anybody else, right? If this person commits to doing the work, maybe they change, maybe you can be together. If you also commit to doing your work, it might turn out that once you do your work, you can see, wow, how have I ever been connected with this person, right? How was I ever attracted to them on any level? Because your like benchmark or whatever you're going after just change your frequency changes. So you're opening up to the completely new pool. So yeah, like be careful um with the signs, be careful with the intuition. It's it might be fake intuition. I know it's a bit it's almost like being left in in like in a blind where you just like so how do you how are you supposed to know if you are used to as a spiritual person probably used to um you know use a lot of spiritual intuition vision meditation for you know support in this in in every area and you cannot trust it here. So it's almost like you know your your third eye is being taken away from you and you might be used to navigating your world a lot with the third eye. It is good sometimes to ask someone objective but you know in the situations like that we don't want to listen because the hope is so strong, the love is so strong. There is also another thing that really happens here.

It's you are it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you have you are like guarding your heart because you don't want to get hurt and you have this beliefs that love hurts. So you are looking for partners that will hurt you to prove your own point. Things that we are not aware that are happening in our mind will be ruling us. So it's really good to go onto this discovery mission of your own weaknesses because it's completely different thing to make a conscious uh choice to follow something wrong. You made a conscious choice you can have a conscious um like um you know and anything bad that happens that follows you know why it happened. It's a very bad place to be when you don't know why things are happening and you need to take this responsibility of where you are in life. Right? So it is a lot of times like most of the times in the situations that I see this you have your heart protected with a protection wall that it's supposed to save you from the hurt. Yes. loving someone to the level you want to experience

it it is it makes your heart feel like your heart is expanding right potential losing that person is just something it's difficult to imagine right so there is a lot of fear around opening your heart. But it's one of the most important things. If you have a frequency of closed off heart, you are attracting into your like, you know, aura, into your frequency, into your energy. People that are the same. Two emotionally unavailable people will not make a nice relationship. So focus on self exploration, focus on working through your opening your heart, right? um to to start living a bit with your heart open and even you know be getting hurt might be a part of the deal. I also heard something that resonated with me recently that you know it's also about resilience. If you get hurt with open heart, it will be excruciating. But it builds resiliency for the world, which is also important. And yeah, just um remember that you're doing it for yourself. So I would just like you know, sum up the the main important like wounds that you have here. So there is wound and that you both have I'm not good enough. So there's both of you that is mirroring that I'm not good enough and this chase it's just um stereotypical um pattern that the man is hiding away that the woman is chasing. Runner versus chaser. It does sound a bit like twin flames doesn't it? But not every relationship is a twinflame. The karmic one can really mess you up also. Yeah. So, I'm not good enough. I'm afraid to be loved. I'm afraid to love. And also what I said at the beginning, this part of not wanting to show who they really are. Yeah. Because this is part of I'm not good enough. So once they if you knew who they really they are afraid that if you knew who they really are they got too close you would reject them. So they reject you. And I don't want to sound very pessimistic here, but these stories often end in this person moving on with another woman.

And that would be, you know, that that's the end to the majority of these stories. or forever single another woman or you choose to leave many years. The longest the longest I think I've heard someone waiting for someone and in the end it actually this one potentially worked. Um they are together. I don't know how happy they are but I know that there was like a lot of rough moments. I think eight years even even more than that. So, this is how much life you can actually lose. But Don, I know you'll get hold to this all, but it worked out in the end. It doesn't have to, though. It really doesn't have to. Um, so start getting grounded. All right? Start getting grounded so you can see the reality. Don't follow the fantasy. Follow actually what's going on in this one. I love spirituality, but in this one, you have to get down to earth and you have to just think with your with your head and don't let your intuition put you in a very very unhealthy situation. You know also when you're trying to go move other way there is this universe that you know you will get a test to pull you back in like are you fully ready?

Are you fully ready? All right. I also pulled cards two cards from my deck. As you may remember this deck is very homemade because I'm working on it. Um, one is sorry throat chakra blocked and the other is door is wide open. You know what? Before I even pulled that, I thought the throat chakra because it it feels to me that it's important also because it's hard opens up all that emotion. But the throat chakra, this expressing um expressing your emotion, expressing your truth, being more assertive in your truth. Of course, it's all connected system. So if I I said that I've talked about it in the previous ones that you actually have to unblock all of them so there are no there's no flooding or there are no blockages of the energy but heart and throat. So it seems like people that are listening to this podcast your throat chakra needs some work. Stand up for yourself. Speak your truth. I this is what comes to me very strongly. Speak your truth. And I have this this this second one door is wide open. It's it means that don't take it as the door is wide open for this relationship because that's not the message. The door is wide open for you to make a change and start living a happy life fulfilled. You just need to turn. This is what I can visualize what's now popping up in my head. You're forking forking the road and go the other way and see how the magic happens. And this is it for today. Thank you so much for listening, for tuning in. If you enjoy what you're hearing or wherever you listening or watching, like, comment, review, subscribe, everything that helps me. And maybe let me know what else would you like to to listen about from the spiritual psychology subjects. Just let me know. Thank you so much. Bye bye.